Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
