I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
