I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
