Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Buhtt sex?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize