I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
