The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
