why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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