Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
