They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
