I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
