he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
