Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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