I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
