I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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