I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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