fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
