carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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