I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
