A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
