he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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