U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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