Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
