I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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