I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
