The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
