on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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