how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
