I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
