That's when you crack a 10am beer
i can't believe i had my finger in that
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
