I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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