It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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