They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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