glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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