The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
