Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
