Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
