do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
