We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
