I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
