If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sarcasm needs its own font
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
