the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
