YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
