I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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