so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
