yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
