lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
