You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
