I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
