We won't sleep together?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
