you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
