I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
