1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
