i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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