Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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