I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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