Whod you bang
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
