I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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