So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
