I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
