Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
