i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
