I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
