If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize