you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
