There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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