you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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