Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
