How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
