i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize