Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
pray to the hookup gods
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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