Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
