After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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