That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
