He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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